So last week ended, with Thor and I finally finishing the fingerprinting (huge travel nightmare), every night filled with first aid class, cpr, blood classes dealing with HIV/AIDS, infant first aid too (we had to stay behind), 3 home visits. We've also taken over 37 something hours of classes, which I had to attend almost right after spinal surgery. Now we wait, for out fingerprints to come back and one final home check, which terrifies me to no end. I dont know why. Its a totally unfounded fear. Just like getting fingerprinted, my sort of fear of authority totally instilled in me by my super leftist parents. Like someone is going to come and arrest me for just being a red diaper baby. Like dudes in suits are going to show up and be like "Is it true that you still have a shirt that reads 'I was born in the sewer of capitalism but now I am fighting for a revolution.' from highschool?" "We understand that you dont like Mickey Mouse or Elmo, so you dont show it to your son, do you realize that is mental abuse?" Just like at the home check I am worried that we dont have any Disney character themed bedding, no cable television or huge giant playsets. It's insane, I know this. Thor knows that Im being insane too. He tempers my insanity and I test his patience at times..I can be super annoying, really. Balance people! Balance.
Im trying hard not to think that the while system is set up to make parents like us fail, or want to quit. There are some people that we have started to work with who have been super sweet and helpful, but some of the major people we already have had to deal with are super unhelpful and I almost at times feel like I am talking to a telemarketer that has a script in front of them. When I ask questions that arent on the checklist, their computer brain goes crazy and they dont have an answer for me.
Anyway. Thats what we have left. Does the fact that we have always changed Henry's diaper in a teepee matter? That we dont have a changing table? Then having to do all these things, that seem sort of like common sense...a safety gate around the woodstove. We dont have one now, because we watch Henry and Henry knows what HOT is and he doesnt like it. When first moved here, Koko the cat didnt know it was hot, jumped on it and realized that yes it was hot and she would jump so high she would actually land downstairs. Maybe we are bad cat and kid parents? I just think that kid should not live in padded rooms, because when they leave the house they might be totally unaware of danger on a different level. Yes, Henry still wants to walk straight out into the street without looking, we are working on it. Luckily, our "downtown" is like 4 blocks long and we live outside of town, down a dirt road and the only car on it is mine or grandpa's. I just want to show them Henry like he is our resume as good parents.
Over the past week I discovered a few things. This great, hilarious and moving blog called fosterhood. Its amazing. I feel as though if we had stayed in NYC we would have been doing the same thing, the fact that she does this for the most part alone as a single working parent is amazing to me. I want to send Rebecca and "Jacket" an invite to the lakehouse while we are in NY, but that might make me a total weirdo. Then this girl found my site. She was a foster kid herself, and now putting herself through school and trying to raise money to go to Africa for Christmas and spend her holiday at an orphanage. We donated. I hope that she gets there.
We are trying to stay on the positive tip since we have only just begun. We have already heard a variety of comments from family, friends and just people we know. To answer a couple of questions, comments etc that we have faced already, here it goes:
1. We are hoping to adopt Henry's next sibling through the foster care system.
2. No, we don't think that a foster kid will put Henry's life in danger.
3. We don't really think that there are "bad kids" we think that there are kids that require some patience and understanding. We know at times it might not be easy. We are ready for that.
4. We are not doing this for Henry's benefit, for our benefit. We are not doing this to "get into heaven".
5. We are hoping to find a kid around Henry's age or younger. Initially we wanted a much older kid, but were advised that it would be in everyone's best interest that we not disrupt the birth order too much.
6. We feel guilty about this, because there are a lot of kids over the age of 6 that never get adopted because of age.
7. We feel lucky and excited to meet the child that comes into our life.
8. Yes, you can babysit for free one day. If you are lucky.
9. We hope to help raise another future awesome person like Henry.
10. If you want to ask any other questions, please feel free. Yes, you should considering fostering or adopting out of the foster care system as well. Good and involved foster parents are really needed.
Anyway. We will keep you posted.
Im trying hard not to think that the while system is set up to make parents like us fail, or want to quit. There are some people that we have started to work with who have been super sweet and helpful, but some of the major people we already have had to deal with are super unhelpful and I almost at times feel like I am talking to a telemarketer that has a script in front of them. When I ask questions that arent on the checklist, their computer brain goes crazy and they dont have an answer for me.
Anyway. Thats what we have left. Does the fact that we have always changed Henry's diaper in a teepee matter? That we dont have a changing table? Then having to do all these things, that seem sort of like common sense...a safety gate around the woodstove. We dont have one now, because we watch Henry and Henry knows what HOT is and he doesnt like it. When first moved here, Koko the cat didnt know it was hot, jumped on it and realized that yes it was hot and she would jump so high she would actually land downstairs. Maybe we are bad cat and kid parents? I just think that kid should not live in padded rooms, because when they leave the house they might be totally unaware of danger on a different level. Yes, Henry still wants to walk straight out into the street without looking, we are working on it. Luckily, our "downtown" is like 4 blocks long and we live outside of town, down a dirt road and the only car on it is mine or grandpa's. I just want to show them Henry like he is our resume as good parents.
Over the past week I discovered a few things. This great, hilarious and moving blog called fosterhood. Its amazing. I feel as though if we had stayed in NYC we would have been doing the same thing, the fact that she does this for the most part alone as a single working parent is amazing to me. I want to send Rebecca and "Jacket" an invite to the lakehouse while we are in NY, but that might make me a total weirdo. Then this girl found my site. She was a foster kid herself, and now putting herself through school and trying to raise money to go to Africa for Christmas and spend her holiday at an orphanage. We donated. I hope that she gets there.
We are trying to stay on the positive tip since we have only just begun. We have already heard a variety of comments from family, friends and just people we know. To answer a couple of questions, comments etc that we have faced already, here it goes:
1. We are hoping to adopt Henry's next sibling through the foster care system.
2. No, we don't think that a foster kid will put Henry's life in danger.
3. We don't really think that there are "bad kids" we think that there are kids that require some patience and understanding. We know at times it might not be easy. We are ready for that.
4. We are not doing this for Henry's benefit, for our benefit. We are not doing this to "get into heaven".
5. We are hoping to find a kid around Henry's age or younger. Initially we wanted a much older kid, but were advised that it would be in everyone's best interest that we not disrupt the birth order too much.
6. We feel guilty about this, because there are a lot of kids over the age of 6 that never get adopted because of age.
7. We feel lucky and excited to meet the child that comes into our life.
8. Yes, you can babysit for free one day. If you are lucky.
9. We hope to help raise another future awesome person like Henry.
10. If you want to ask any other questions, please feel free. Yes, you should considering fostering or adopting out of the foster care system as well. Good and involved foster parents are really needed.
Anyway. We will keep you posted.
Good for you guys! I think fostering/adoption is amazing. And you 3 will definitely give some unlucky kid out there a lucky life. I believe that you make due with what you have and if you don't know or think you're missing out on something then you're not. Cable is overrated anyway... Besides you live on an island with freaking natures! Thats way cooler than elmo in my book! I know it will all work out and also I've learned over the past few years. It may not work out when you want, but it will work out when the time is right. Good luck!
Posted by: rachel | 06/01/2010 at 08:02 AM
Thanks Ray. We are also SO happy for you and Zach. What a lucky little baby in your belly. I can't wait to see you as a mom in August! I promise to make you lots of yummy food and Ill make Thor clean this time.
Posted by: Sara Jensen | 06/01/2010 at 08:24 AM
I'm really glad you wrote this - besides the fact that it's totally awesome.
When I was dealing with my issues/surgery etc., there was a real possibility that fertility would be affected. My response, wasn't like "OMG THERE'S A POSSIBILITY I'LL NEVER BE A MOM!" (which, strangely enough, everyone else was more worried about than I was) and then this mourning for it. Ultimately, I felt that if it came to that point, I would adopt. If I couldn't have kids, then I would be the best parent for a child that didn't.
Posted by: Grafiksgirl | 06/01/2010 at 10:04 AM
I'm so excited for you! Fostering/adopting has always been in my family plan and I'm happy to know others that I can look to for support when it's our time.
xoxo
Posted by: Julie | 06/01/2010 at 11:12 AM
If you want to talk about adoption you know where to find us. Good luck on your journey!
Posted by: Kay | 06/01/2010 at 12:56 PM
This is so awesome, Sara. I'm really excited for you and your family and for any child lucky enough become a part of your gang.
Posted by: Anna @ D16 | 06/02/2010 at 06:37 AM
Thank you for all of your sweet comments! Will keep you posted!
Posted by: Sara Jensen | 06/02/2010 at 03:13 PM
Mazel Tov Sara, Thor and Henry! What a wonderful thing that you are doing! xo
Posted by: Karen Wise | 06/06/2010 at 09:13 PM
omg- thank you for all the sweet and kind words! i'm so excited for you guys. you know my tortoise is named henry, right? :) it sounds like you have to do SO MUCH MORE to get certified than I had to. I really wish we were given CPR classes (although I get it through my job). i'll continue to follow your journey!
Posted by: rebecca (fosterhood) | 06/08/2010 at 06:25 AM
I was reading your blog basically all in one day. And I was like "is that a real tortoise? that is not a real tortoise. that is a night light (they have turtle night lights). wait it has a name...." Anyway. I love your blog. Maybe Henry the non Tortoise and Jacket could have a playdate when we are in NYC for the month of July. I am sure that we can find some fountain that Jacket doesnt know about.
If we have a babysitter that person has to be fingerprinted! Its crazy here. Im exhausted from setting up. I think that they might be more desperate for foster parents in NYC? They dont want to scare them away from it with the classes.
Posted by: Sara Jensen | 06/08/2010 at 01:46 PM
Thanks for doing this! You're an encouragement to me. Best wishes!
Posted by: Lessie | 06/11/2010 at 10:25 AM